Forgiveness - Written By Jim Tanner LPC

Dear Friends,

As we step into this new month, I wanted to share a thought that’s been close to my heart. Life gives us plenty of opportunities to practice patience, kindness, and yes — forgiveness. It’s not always easy, but it can be deeply freeing. My hope is that these reflections encourage you to see forgiveness a little differently and maybe even lighten the load you’ve been carrying.

Have you ever said, “You owe me an apology!”? If I were a betting man, I’d put money on the answer being yes. Just living in a world with other humans means it’s only a matter of time before someone offends us and we feel like they owe us something in return.

I get the privilege of working with many people who struggle with forgiveness, and it’s not easy. One day, though, I realized something: the very word we use — owe — is the key to understanding forgiveness. But before we get there, let’s clear up a few common misconceptions about what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness is not…

• Forgetting the offense. If someone punches me in the face, I can forgive them, but I’m still going to stay cautious around them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean erasing memory or ignoring patterns.

• An emotion. Feelings aren’t right or wrong — they’re just feelings. You might forgive someone and still feel hurt. That doesn’t mean you failed at forgiving.

• Automatically trusting again. Forgiveness doesn’t require you to put yourself back in harm’s way.

• Ignoring the offense. Pretending it didn’t happen isn’t forgiveness.

  
  

So then, what is forgiveness?

At its core, forgiveness is simply choosing to release the debt someone “owes” you. It’s not about the other person — it’s about letting go of the resentment inside of us. Left unchecked, unforgiveness is like a cancer, eating away at our peace and joy.

Here’s the radical part: you don’t have to wait for someone to ask for forgiveness before you give it. In fact, the power to forgive has always been in your hands. Think of it as a muscle — the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

So go ahead, offer forgiveness today. You don’t need to announce it, you don’t need to feel different right away, and you don’t even need to trust that person again. All you need to do is let go of the debt — and in doing so, you’ll set yourself free.

Thank you for being part of the New Leaf Therapy family. Remember, you don’t have to wait for someone else to change in order to find peace. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself — and every time you offer it, you make room for more joy, healing, and hope in your life.